For a lot of couples marriage and children are two important milestones.
But having children sadly isn’t always on the cards for all who want them, with unforeseen fertility issues.
But one woman has made sure she’s covered all her bases before she ties the knot with her husband, by making him take a test to check how fertile he is.
The woman’s friend took to Mumsnet to share the very mixed reactions to the wife-to-be’s vetting process.
She wrote: ‘A friend of mine asked her dear husband-to-be to do a sperm test before marrying him (she also did a full fertility check before marrying him, so that it’s equal but he didn’t insist on it), which got me thinking.
‘I can’t say that lots of people know about it, so it wasn’t like she told the world about it, but our group of four closest friends do, one of them was completely outraged.
‘Would you consider leaving your DP [Dear Husband] if you knew he was infertile or had poor sperm? Would you get him to do a sperm test before marriage?’
The overwhelming consensus from the internet was outrage, just as it had been with the wife-to-be’s pals, with some branding the marriage ‘transactional’ and calling the woman out for just wanting a sperm donor.
The original poster added she wasn’t sure how she felt about her friend’s decision, saying: ‘I don’t know how to feel about it. My DH and I conceived baby number one straight away but haven’t been able to conceive baby number two for a few months.
‘The two week wait has been gruelling every time, so I can see why she would want to avoid years and years of doing this potentially. But equally it doesn’t seem in line with what marriage represents.’
Other mums on the platform agreed with one saying: ‘I personally think that’s very odd, and reductive to minimise your whole relationship to that one thing.
‘Even a couple that doesn’t show any issues on fertility tests can find it hard to have a baby. It’s something you deal with together, if that is the case. Can you imagine the reverse situation if a man asked that of his future wife?’
One user pointed out that, while they wouldn’t end a relationship based on fertility issues, they would end a relationship if they were on different pages about wanting them.
They added: ‘As someone who has had two miscarriages this year, and part of my grief is feeling bad that I’ve “let my dear husband down” (even though I know that’s not the case and he definitely doesn’t see it that way).
‘The whole idea of this is just terribly sad. Personally it would be enough to make me rethink marriage with a person if they insisted on this but each to their own.’
Others felt there was a double standard, saying: ‘If you don’t love someone for themselves rather than their sperm count then you shouldn’t be considering marriage. There would be outrage on here if if a man insisted his wife had fertility tests before marriage.’
But some did see where the wife-to-be was coming from. One wrote: ‘I’d have stayed with him, yes, but I was sure that I could be happy whether we had children or not.
‘If having children was my life’s dream, then I wouldn’t have wanted to marry someone I knew was infertile, no.’
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