Stepfather’s scorched earth texts raise alarm

Dear Amy: I have been divorced for 10 years, after my ex-wife had an affair.

She married the man she had the affair with.

My ex and I share joint custody of our two daughters, ages 17 and 11.

My ex and I have only communicated via text messaging for the last five years, and it is infrequent and only about the children.

Recently I found out through my children that their mother is getting divorced from her current husband.

My youngest came downstairs crying and displayed a text from her mother’s soon-to-be-ex, which didn’t only throw mom under the bus, but completely napalmed her.

He told the children and her own mother (their grandmother) via text message that she has been having an affair with a co-worker and that she has done it before (with him). Now the kids are super-mad at their mother.

How do I bring it up that I don’t want to get involved in her personal life, but what this guy did by using MY kids as cannon fodder was not cool…?!

— Perplexed in Phoenix

Dear Perplexed: You should keep screenshots of these texts, and instruct/urge your children to block their stepfather’s number from their phones immediately (you should keep his cell number on hand).

Convey to the kids that no adult has the right to communicate with them in this way, that it is unacceptable, and that you feel extremely sorry that this has happened. You do not need to offer up any additional explanations.

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